Growing up I would always tell my parents about how I would never do something. Each time they would always, without fail, tell me, "never say never." Often times I would shake my head and dismiss the saying because I felt so confident in my words; I viewed them as promises in a way. Unlike promises, however, I have strayed more often than I care to admit. I can honestly say that most of the things I vowed never to do, I did. Even now I sit up typing with a cigarette in between my fingers. I don't really know where I'm going with this, other than just prattling on about something that came to mind since I can't find myself able to fall asleep. I suppose they were right, as I'm learning they often are. Their "words of wisdom" keep popping up when I least expect them to do so.
In a way I'm kind of disappointed in myself, not for proving them right and for making myself out to be petty. I'm disappointed because I didn't live up to my expectations. I've made more than a generous amount of promises, and can proudly say, although with some disdain, that only a few have been broken. My "nevers," on the other hand, are quite a different story. I think I've broken all of those. A part of me, though, is glad that I didn't live up to my nevers. By not keeping them I've learned, and it reminds me that my parents were right.
Normally I don't take pleasure from being proven wrong at the expense of proving some else right, but because of my parents I've learned that the reason they knew better was because of their age. They had a sense of wisdom to know better, but I have to say that constantly hearing them utter that phrase was mildly nerve-racking. They were also fond of telling my sister and me that we would understand why this or why that when we were older, and I think this is one of those times where I'm beginning to understand. I, myself, have even picked up on telling people the same phrases and even adding in some of my own when talking to my younger employees at work. They give me the same eye-roll and dismissive sigh, but I softly smile at them and tell them that they'll understand one day, when they're older. Sometimes I wonder if whether or not they even pay me any mind when I start going on about some of the things I say, until a few days or even weeks later they triumphantly smile, with their head held high, and tell me exactly what I said to them when I thought they weren't listening. I feel like I'm getting older, and at almost twenty-three, I'm not unhappy at that. I'm aware I'm not a fountain of wisdom like the older role-models in my life, but I'd like to think I have a good head on my shoulders most of the time. Part of me thinks, well most of me, that I owe it to my upbringing full of clichéd phrases repeatedly and precisely articulated by my parents. I'm grateful for these tedious phrases, even if I might still cringe on the inside when I hear them spoken. You learn more from repetition, and with the right things (be them phrases or behaviors), you can become a much wiser person from adhering to what they mean.
