I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone, and when I moved out I went to a neighboring small town in which everyone's acquaintance were also known. It's a trait I sort of like about small towns; I'm actually drawn to them for a handful of reasons. With small towns comes more than familiar faces: dirt roads, mom-and-pop shops, a sort of quaint atmosphere, and waiters who know exactly what you want as soon as you walk through the front door. The only downside, I think, is the gossip which comes with everyone knowing everyone else. I suppose there are trade-offs to everything nowadays.
Along with these wonderful character traits that add a certain charm to these towns, come the hauntings. Each one is tailored to the town's colorful history with elaborate details being added as the story is passed down from one generation to the next. Something that's a tad more broad and more commonplace wherever you decide to go is superstition. There are several and you've probably heard them all said in a hundred different ways. One that has captured my attention in particular is one concerning graveyards. It goes somewhere along the lines of whenever you pass a cemetery you're supposed to hold your breath to keep the evil spirits from possessing you. This one I think about everyday as I drive to and from work, mainly because I pass a cemetery on my way.
My first issue, that's really just a tangent, is why would you say that about a place that's supposed to hold your loved ones who've died? Is it widely accepted that whoever you put in a graveyard becomes an evil spirit by default? It just doesn't make sense to me. Piggybacking off of that, what are you supposed to do when you visit someone's grave, hold your breath the whole time you're there because you have some insane notion that you'll become possessed? Or does the superstition only apply while you're in a moving vehicle? That makes even less sense to me. Then there are the people who go on about disrespecting the graves. How are you going to be concerned with disrespecting the grave if you think you're going to be possessed? Or do you respect the grave because you're afraid of being possessed for disturbing their rest? I also see the aspect of genuinely respecting the rest of the deceased, not out of fear of demonic possession, but because of the lives they led while they were here. Now that makes sense to me. However, I digress.
On the opposite side of the same token, there are people who visit cemeteries for the peace and quiet. Some people find solace in graveyards, just like I'd expect someone to, which brings me to my point (see, you didn't think I had one there, did ya). Graveyards aren't for the dead; they're for the living, for the loved ones left behind. They offer closure, a place to go to so you can cry your heart out or talk to the headstone of the person. It feels better if you feel like you have someone, or something in this case, to talk to so you won't feel like a lunatic. I know I talk to my dad's ashes sometimes because I feel stupid talking to myself aloud. You might suggest thinking it in your head, but that's simply not the same. It's hard to explain, but if you've ever lost someone close to you and you felt like you really needed to talk to them, thinking and pretending you can speak to them isn't the same as actually voicing how you feel. If my dad were buried I know for a fact I'd go visit his grave just to sit and talk, but his ashes do just fine when I need them to.
So in my opinion, graveyards are for us, the ones left behind. All the flowers and trinkets people leave on the headstones are sweet and thoughtful gestures, but they're done to offer peace of mind. You know they're not going to leave a thank you card for you the next time you come back, but you do it anyway. You do it out of thoughtfulness and remembrance, and I think that's a great and wonderful thing.
--Amber
